THE ART OF LISTENING AS AN ACT OF COURAGE

Milie Esposito made it big both in her business and family by adopting this amazing skill. Whenever  her kid speaks, she pays complete attention. She gets rid of everything else she is already into. Some might see it as a waste of time to give so much attention when kids speaks because they say rubbish. Trust me, a kid does not speak rubbish instead they comment on things they know. One evening she was working in the kitchen with her son, Robert, after a brief discussion of something that was on his mind.

Robert said, ‘Mom, I know you love me’. She was touched by such an amazing comment from this little one and she replies of course I love you very much, do you doubt it?

He responded ‘No, but I really know you love me because whenever I wish to talk to you, you let go every other thing and listen carefully which always make me want to tell you everything even when it is difficult’.

It is quite hilarious that everyone keeps talking with the intention of being heard and known to exist, even at the detriment of their own reputation, without minding about talking rubbish. It can sometimes be unfulfilling to hear others speak while you watch ignorantly. I was in a class sometimes ago and the lecturer asked a question, I had a clue but decided not to speak because it seems am starting to dominate the class with my knowledge without letting others speak. I was amazed with the response I got from a student, I felt bad not letting other beautiful minds emaciated their thoughts.

Being heard is also as important as listening, which great enterprises and good homes adopt consciously or unconsciously to make things easier. One who does not listen to others ends in destruction or fails; it does not end with just business but family, politics and every other activity that might involve others.

Politics might be very though, but at my little constituency I can gladly say listening does the trick. You might be a great scholar like King Solomon, but you just have to listen to your subordinates. Knowing a lot has to do with the things of the past not future. You read the whole of Wikipedia, it just a bunch of what happened in the past so you need your listening skills to know what is invoked.

A great king was moving in his chariot alongside his subordinates one day, and needed to tour around his kingdom just to let his subordinates know he is good with his kingdom environment. On reaching the outskirt of the village there was an old man working hard on a farmland, he tried hard to go close to the king and speak to him, but the king never cared. This was as a result the way the old man appeared. One of the guards held him back for a while and let go of the old man when he eventually calmed. The man speaks gently to the guard that the surrounding was the new base of the nation’s rebels. That they had written petitions and no one cared to go through them, that’s why he was not aware and also didn’t listen to him. The guard ran as fast as he could but met them all in a battlefield with a good number of the board already down.

Listening does not show weakness instead it proves strength. A good leader is always a good listener. The Christian holy book also sees the relevance of listening by commenting that ‘Faith cometh by hearing’. It is no longer new that people might take an advantage of it to say rubbish, but out of every nonsense there is always a sense. It makes people seem important. Imagine if the executives of your working place asks for your contribution before making a conclusion, won’t that propel you to work on the policies. People don’t support policies that even favor them because they were not listened to.

Governmental policies were made without consulting the people for their needs. That is why government officials will consider building a school in a rural area filled with schools already when there is need for pipe borne water. I once saw officials buy shoes of a man size for primary school students. Who on earth does that?

Parents have to listen to their kids rather than just giving them the ‘’Orders’’. Children just have to be listened to, so has to be understood. A lecturer once told me in class that he had once being in my shoes, but because he used to be my HOD that’s why I decided to let him have it his way. In his time there was no such thing as expensive phones like an iPhone 7 that all my school fees in school might not buy. They had no such thing as bet9ja or such a harsh economy. He won’t get the true picture until he listens to us.

Let all endeavor to listen to others before coming to a conclusion. It might be difficult to consult everyone, that’s why researchers are available to do that. It takes more courage to listen than to speak. Listening does not mean am ignorant or weak to speak out, it only means I want to understand your pain and respect your feelings. If we could develop this trick, we would all be happier. Parents should tend to listen more.

There are four steps to being a good listener. Listen with your eyes rather than looking the other way, wait for people to finish, digest it and respond accordingly.

Thank you for your time…….

Adenikan Solomon

THE GENESIS OF A CONFUSED GENERATION

It quite funny that the youths of nowadays seems to mostly into causing trouble for the people and government to work on when there seems to be nothing to do or supporting the creation of one. I was privileged enough to see an instagram video of about 4 years old who was asked of his future ambition and claimed to have interest in cybercrime. I then start to reason why such a little boy would ever imagine such absurd thing; I couldn’t picture what such a child knows about cybercrimes.  The only thing am sure of is that family and friends support mostly those who are able to finance the family without minding the source of income. This does not end with family and friends alone, even the society is also responsible.    

As much as I love reading posts written by the men in power, I despise it when it condemning the youths. Regardless of what is presently in place right now, the youths are never to be blamed for most actions they portray ranging from loss of norms and value to the unimaginable acts they exhibit.

During Sociology of development class, the lecturer was trying to make us believe that we Africans are not ready to develop. I turned against it, by standing on the fact that even before colonalization we had our own inventions such as street lights, lamps and so on which we might have transformed in this present day to something a bit more sophisticated. But his reply rendered me speechless, although we had the potential to dominate but as a result of fear of the unknown we kept these invention tricks a secret from others to assist in it development and failed in various means. Even till now, some parents deprive their kids of their full potential with the aim of protecting them. These are talents that could have being of great use to the nation, this is a big part of our culture we need to jettison. A great scholar once told me that having something and not sharing it, is the same as having nothing.

When I was younger, I was told education is the key to success, after I see people graduate I then wonder where the padlocks are kept. The society use to be one where gurus are respected, where they become recognized for their potential. But it no longer the same, what we now hear parents do is to compare their kids with celebrities and moneybags. Although it a good thing to make money but at the detriment of our life, reputation and belief should never being seen as an option. Parents don’t care about their wards like they should do. Once a kid graduates from school, they frustrate his life so he can then fend for himself not minding how. I understand their pains, but the question is, how long did it took the parents to organize themselves after graduation that they frustrate kids months after leaving school? They understand how difficult it is to get things done but they don’t care. No one reaps just immediately after sowing.

The funniest of them all is the religious institutions. I think the number of churches to be up to 1 to every 8 houses. Religion buildings are now like recharge card sellers, which outnumbers the available employment ventures. I once imagined all religious buildings giving out employment, it will cater for at least 1/3 of the country unemployed citizens. Everyone now believes much more in their Imam and pastors than God and hard work. These institutions are mostly designed to exploit the desperate masses and will never let the innocent rest while clamoring for spiritual deliverance when the initiators need physical care.

The institution seems to have to watching idle over the years while the new generation is being abused. I read of a pastor who claimed a 7 year old boy is responsible for the calamity befalling his parent; he was droved out of the house and later died. This is because a selfish man wanted to prey on the ignorance of some lost people.  This institution has not only deceived the old generation and also taken advantage of the new one by making them believe solely on divine intervention which strengthens the belief in dark magic. Failure has nothing to do with spirituality, it just principles. I think the witches and wizard are quite busy with recession so get over it.

It no longer news that people goes missing like pin. I then wonder where the victims’ family members are. It a pity that our generation seem to lack every form of support leaving a few with people to support them financially. Thousands of parents have no idea of where their ward lives in school and would later complain about poor grades and bad company. It a pity that despite how busy they get, projects they execute it never enough. The truth is that it will never be enough.

Our funny beliefs have also deepened the wound in our heart. When malpractices occur, parents might stay mute but kids don’t. It a proof that they believe in justice but African parents will do everything to keep them mute also, since it not affecting them. This attitude will be nurtured and will make them never to speak out when people do wrong. A good example is governance in Nigeria, when money is being looted; no one speaks most especially if it not affecting their family and business and when it backfires we all blame the new administration.

The system is designed for the survival of the fittest; sachet water is being deliberated on presently on increasing the cost from 10NGN to about 20 or 50 NGN. No one cares until it becomes unbearable for us all. At least we don’t import that thanks to nature but we still have to kill for it.

The economy and politics is now painted in corruption and exploitation. No one cares as far as you are okay. It might not affect us now not until those who don’t have start to steal from the little we have. Bribery now seems to have being incorporated into the constitution that even the police now see it as their right and are willing to kill for it. It is needed for appointment, and even purchasing of goods you are paying for, I then wonder why this generation seems to be confused.

The worst part is government agitating for entrepreneurship skills among youths, the question is who will buy these things? We all have high taste for foreign goods that locally made goods are not encouraged. Even when am ready who will sponsor me without wanting bribe? No one is willing to support the ones with the potential to make it big in the arena. Nigeria made her first car during President Jonathan’s regime but no one seems to hear about it now even the government does not patronize them.

Despite all this someone would claim to have being in my shoes! It will take that as a capital NO. Nigeria seems to have remained the same geographically but not socially or economically. Life as a youth in this country, is highly tough. Being one makes one automatically a victim of violence, abuse, ritual killings also instruments of death by a generation who seems to know the right path but never willing to follow. We need to change our orientation, even if the present generation has no clue which does better. Nigeria can be greater which your support.

Author: Adenikan Solomon

THE POWER OF THE CHAIN

Chains are naturally designed to hold unto itself before it can be able to take down a victim. Of what use is it if it can’t hold unto itself? During the early stage of man, the Marxist believes the primitive stage which dealt in hunting and gathering didn’t have a legalized body of laws but things went on fine. People were if not extremely truthful or organized, at least they were able to get things straight to a particular level.

Societies have a long history of conflicting ideas, thousands of people having millions of ideas and views. As the society developed, over the years from the primitive to the feudal stage, there were needs for chains and embargo to bring about a uniform behavior among the dwellers which brought the need for rules. Although the law is made by man, the law in turn makes a man. It is now made an integral part of the society. It is expected to rule above all.

The law is meant to be the chain holding the society. A lecturer once said all humans have crime related intention but since the law is against it we then are forced to concur to the legal way so as not to be tagged deviant. It a pity that nowadays even the law can’t hold unto itself not to talk of the populace. We no longer regard it to be supreme.

There is a need for total cooperation from the people before something could be called a crime. The whole society is no longer involved in the decision making body making a lot ignorant of the laws governing them. We suffer mostly in Nigeria not because we are too dumb to realize the fact that we are suffering but because we have no idea of the law. The only thing we know in the normal human rights, like freedom of speech, freedom of religion to mention a few. Millions don’t know they have the right to sue the police if they hold them in custody beyond necessary without any trial. The influential will get people detained for months without trial, while they keep on begging instead of suing him.

We complain of no money, but there are ways of getting money around here before people start making use of it. A young man bought a 5live drink and checked the expiring date, still in shape. He opened it and figured out that the content is as bad as drainage water, and the best he could do was to make a video and upload to social media. It a good thing, but that not the awareness we need. Only a few set of people would get to see it. He could have sued them and make his millions then everyone would be aware and start making money out of it so this manufacturers would stop killing us 

We are faced with the reason the populace find it difficult to follow the rules. The youths of today are either watching a crime grow or making one. We then ask, why the madness. Other discipline might just see the problem to be just enforcement problem and the rest but as a Sociologists, am telling you it not only the enforcement that is faulty. Imagine if a local government is moving in his car and the traffic light asks him to wait? He won’t, even a president will not ask his convoy to wait for traffic and such a thing emaciates a different thing to the people. If the head of executive arm can break the law they also can try it out and it becomes a norm. But this people will never do that in a foreign country, they will gladly listen to a security guard over there.

Apart from that, there is no structure to encourage patriotism. A man who does follow the law is never appreciated rather be condemned, and belittled only if he is eventually recognized. Such a thing does not give a good impression about serving the country.  Even those who are on the EFCC blacklist were retained under the federal government service, while those who have the potential and a clean record were discarded. Ignoring the law has being able to bring merit both in the politics world and economy institution. As long has the offenders are not being apprehended and punished, the chain will no longer hold the people for long.

We Nigerians get to appeal more to emotions rather than reality, we are easily swayed. With just a tap we would be completely under compulsion without any thought of our own. Few years back whenever we are having a class, students will just come in and express that the venue has being changed. Over a thousand students would run from the previous venue, while another will come with the same news to confuse us again that it has being changed. Before we know it we would have being completely exhausted with some students trampled upon already, simply because we didn’t reason for ourselves. We could have checked the time table and examined the hall capacity if it favorable enough. Even if the lecturer wants it that way we can let him know we are against it and state our reasons. But no one cares simply because we are too busy thinking about the front sit.

With such an orientation, we would continually be chained like dogs by those who hid the truth from us. People who go to workplace without reading the rules and regulation would be sacked later and blamed the board for not telling them the right thing. For us to use the chains in this society wisely, we need to know them. Having something and being ignorant of it is the same has never having it.

We just don’t have to wait for people to tell us our rights, even as kids under parents have their own rights. Because the generation before us never cared about it neither are we recognizing it. It will go off radar if our generation don’t make use of this power in the 21^st century. We are in this condition because we don’t know the power the constitution has given to us. As a result of fear we will never make use it. My HOD was driving one day a  and a police officer demanded for this papers, knowing it accurate he handed it over and the officer had no leverage over him. So he indirectly asked for a bribe and he refused. As a criminologists, he knows the repercussion of handling him bribe. He knows they will see it as their right and might end up being a part of our constitution. He could only do that because he had no criminal intentions. I laughed at a man who was arrested because he named his dog Buhari, simply because they know he does not know his rights.

The Christians’ holy book laid emphasis on the need of the truth for it sets one free. We are all scared of both knowing the truth and making use of it. Only a few who do know it make good use of it, because  those who know it are not always victims or not in position to use it. Being a scholar does not mean you know your right while being illiterate does not deprive one of making use of one’s right. The few who know it are always respected and note it not meant only for the lawyers to know but we all.

Writer: Adenikan Solomon